Some quick thoughts…
I have noticed that there are two main pillars in marriage – the good days and the bad days. All marriages revolve around these two pillars, with no in-betweens. The mistake (I think) most people make is that they focus on reducing the frequency of the bad days and increasing the frequency of the good days.
For these two pillars, the two things to focus on are the intensity of these days. The way to determine if your marriage is working is to measure the intensity of these two pillars. For the good days, people should focus less on the frequency of those days and instead focus on increasing the intensity of those days. While for the bad days, the focus should be on reducing the intensity. Most marriages that fail do so because they are mostly bothered by frequency instead of intensity.
When you go through the good days, are they really good or are they just meh? If they are just meh, then there’s a problem. However, if the good days hit the highs, then you should just focus on reducing the intensity of the bad days even if the frequency stays the same. If the intensity of the good days is always higher than the bad days then you might just have a chance at saving your marriage. But if the intensity of the bad days is always higher than that of the good days then there might be a problem.
I find that the problem in most marriages is intensity and not really about frequency. It doesn’t matter how many times an event occurs so long as those occurrences happen at an intensity that is minimal.
There! That’s it.