Here’s my football love story. In one take.
Football has been the one true love of my life. I fell in love with this game more than 26 years ago. As a child, the one gift I always wanted was a soccer ball. I’d play with kids, I’d play with my dog and I’d play against the wall. I have always loved this game. Even in sadness, so long as there’s a game on TV, a sense of cheer will fill me up. I stay glued to the game. I’ve spent time watching the game, I’ve paid tickets to see the game, I have invested in the game. I love football so much. I haven’t missed any major international football tournament since the 2002 World Cup. My home library is filled with journals where I wrote down the scores of major football matches, soccer clippings from newspapers and so many other football memorabilia. I remember my first full football jersey, it was an Arsenal jersey, and I wore it with so much pride.
As much as I love football, I can also play. As a child, I joined a local football club, I was hoping to be discovered by scouts but I just couldn’t combine the rigors of daily training with school work. Most of the kids in the local club were barely in school nor did they have extra lessons so it was easy for them. I always missed major scouting events because I had school. Little wonder what would have been if I chased football fully. I’ve always played football well despite my physical deficiency and not because of them. My skinny legs and frame could barely carry the ball, a little push always nudged me off balance so I was not the obvious first name on the sheet. To make sure I always played, I was the goalkeeper most times because no one wants to play in goal. I had a wide span, I’d save penalties and let out a scream when I made a save. But I wasn’t a good keeper, I was just an okay keeper, and I only kept when no one chose me to play up front. I stopped keeping after I turned eleven or so, people had woken up to my skills up front and my true position came to the fore. I’ve always been a striker, always modeled my game on movement. My idol, Thierry Henry was the best striker of his generation, I modeled my game after him. No silly skills, but you’ll always get a goal. My redemption arc was complete in College when I was nicknamed Lewandowski after scoring four goals. “Lewy”, the intimidating cathedral thundered when I played, they knew I was only good for scoring and the occasional tracking back but my confidence and charisma made for a pleasing spectacle so the crowd loved me. Football was always a love affair and I always played with an infectious smile.
I’ve not been the bulkiest, as a teenager, I was very lanky and lightweight but I’ve always been a smart child. That intelligence showed on the pitch with my movement and deft finishes. I always scored a goal, whenever I played, I always scored. I’ve been a prolific finisher and goal scorer. I can’t remember the last time I played a football game and did not score a goal, it just rarely happens.
But my coup de grace came one fortuitous afternoon when I was 13. I didn’t know it then but that act would define my physical shape forever. During one of our afternoon breaks, my mates were jumping from a one-storey high balcony and I thought to jump as well. I landed awkwardly and couldn’t move. Because it happened in front of my mates, I tried to hide the immediate discomfort and limped away. But that was the day I damaged my knee ligaments. Multiple x-rays later did not show any bone contusion or fracture. None of the doctors thought to recommend an MRI to see if there’d been any ligament damage. But in the years since that fall, I’ve maintained heavy physical activity, I’ve played soccer, hiked mountains, ran long distance races and carried heavy things. I carried out these activities despite the discomfort in my knee and just learnt to live with the discomfort. I have played football everywhere I’ve gone and everywhere I’ve lived. With random kids on the street to semi-professionals. Many years later, an MRI will reveal that I had a partial tear as a child and because it was not properly treated, it’s formed a scar and a permanent contusion on my ligament area and it’s made my knees awkward whenever I exert pressure. The sad reality is that it is time to wave goodbye to playing football, the one love of my life.
My body just cannot keep up anymore. Now in my 30s, I’ve grudgingly come to the realization that my ligaments just cannot carry on any longer. Two ligament injuries this year and a bone fracture all because of football (oh, or soccer). It’s left me on crutches, painful surgeries and thousands of dollars in medical bills. Why do I keep doing this to myself? Why do I keep going back to the pitch? Does the thrill of scoring outweigh the discomfort that comes after? Why not just stick to watching football and playing it on the console? I’m not sure how to live with the fact that I’m not going to be playing on the pitch and scoring goals like I’m wound to. Playing soccer has been a huge part of me and I need to learn how to do away with that. Is this what professional players feel like when it’s time to retire? I can’t begin to imagine the despair.
My knees eventually gave up; they won. Now I have to think of preservation and watch from the sidelines. Watching football is not the same as playing it. The adrenaline rush that comes from playing and the thrill that comes from scoring cannot be compared to any other kind of climax. But today, I officially retire from the game.
Thank you football, the one true love that stayed with me from the beginning.
Miracle Roch.